The Biggest Assault on Self
So, I'm getting married in a matter of months to the most amazing human being I have ever been blessed enough to stumble upon. When daring to embark on such endeavors it is recommended to seek wisdom from those that have gone before you. In this case my love and I are doing a little premarital counseling with an amazing couple from our church. We've only met once so far, but the things they said just hit my heart and the realizations that we both made were stunning.
For a while I was so cool with the idea of not getting married, I thought I might be celibate (don't laugh, I'm fully aware that I am only 20). But, while my other friends always seemed to be chasing the wind of relationship I was content to be just me and Jesus, I may have had a crush or two, but at the end of the day He was always more than enough. So, when I started to fall in love with this one, I battled inside myself about it being just me and Jesus and is that better, is that more of death to self, to be single forever, to possibly spend every moment in solitude with the King.
As time progressed I realized that this man was created for me and I was created for him-this would fulfill a dream of God's heart, but the question still remained, is this scorning the good for the best? Will I die here and become the consummation of a dream? No, I won't, but we will, my life is no longer my own, it always belonged to Jesus, but now it also belongs to this one, I can't really do anything apart from him, I'm not talking things like mow the lawn, go out to eat or hang out with people, I'm talking about real things. Move somewhere new, get a new job, buy a new car, I can't do these things independent of him because that is not the way God designed it. God designed marriage to be the biggest assault on self, to attack the secret "golden calves" in our hearts, and this is true. Our marriage counselor said it best when he looked at me and said "You will be crucified on this cross..." and he pointed to my love. I will die. It's already been difficult at times, but at the end of it, I don't think that there will be anything more beautiful.
For a while I was so cool with the idea of not getting married, I thought I might be celibate (don't laugh, I'm fully aware that I am only 20). But, while my other friends always seemed to be chasing the wind of relationship I was content to be just me and Jesus, I may have had a crush or two, but at the end of the day He was always more than enough. So, when I started to fall in love with this one, I battled inside myself about it being just me and Jesus and is that better, is that more of death to self, to be single forever, to possibly spend every moment in solitude with the King.
As time progressed I realized that this man was created for me and I was created for him-this would fulfill a dream of God's heart, but the question still remained, is this scorning the good for the best? Will I die here and become the consummation of a dream? No, I won't, but we will, my life is no longer my own, it always belonged to Jesus, but now it also belongs to this one, I can't really do anything apart from him, I'm not talking things like mow the lawn, go out to eat or hang out with people, I'm talking about real things. Move somewhere new, get a new job, buy a new car, I can't do these things independent of him because that is not the way God designed it. God designed marriage to be the biggest assault on self, to attack the secret "golden calves" in our hearts, and this is true. Our marriage counselor said it best when he looked at me and said "You will be crucified on this cross..." and he pointed to my love. I will die. It's already been difficult at times, but at the end of it, I don't think that there will be anything more beautiful.
posted by well,blue productions at 3:11 PM
2 Comments:
sounds like fun.
You have no idea :)
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